Quotes – S

Quotes Collection S – (author’s first name initial)

 

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“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.”

Sally Field

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“They were playing not to lose, and most of the time that happens, you lose. They were running third-and-17 draws. I’m thinking, ‘Come on, man.’”

Sam Adams, Ravens defensive tackle

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“‘According to this something bizarre is happening at the carnival.’ ‘I thought that was the point!’ ‘Maybe we should check it out when we’ve got nothing better to do, like anytime.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘Galileo was wrong.’ ‘I don’t think we were in a vacuum, Max.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘Hey lookit Sam. There’s those two, what was that word again?’ ‘Misanthropes?’ ‘Yeah…misanthropes…’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘I really respect Flint’s business acumen.’ ‘Please Sam. Don’t use the word acumen again.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘I think that punk learned a valuable lesson Sam.’ ‘Me too Max. I didn’t realize the lower lip could stretch completely over the head. Amazing.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘I’m filled with disgust and an odd sense of forboding.’ ‘And?’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘Mind if I drive?’ ‘Not if you don’t mind me clawing at the dash and shrieking like a cheerleader’.”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘Percent sign ampersand dollar sign!’ ‘And colon semi-colon too!’ ‘What are you ^%#^&in doing?’ ‘Swearing in longhand, asterisk mouth.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘Sam, either termites are burrowing through my skull, or one of us is ticking.’ ‘Oops, oh yeah. Where should I put this so it doesn’t hurt anyone I know or care about?’ ‘Out the window Sam. There’s nothing but strangers out there.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“‘Shall I confront, subdue, and pummel the suspected perpetrator, Sam?’ ‘Can’t think of a reason not to. Sic ‘em up, little buddy.’”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“That’s an awfully big rasp attached to the bathroom key. Out of toilet paper?”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“That’s no head Max! That’s one damned ugly timebomb.”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“Wait. I’ve got an idea and it doesn’t require high explosives.”

Sam and Max Hit the Road, Lucasarts 1989

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“The average tourist wants to go places where there are no tourists.”

Sam Ewing

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“Any jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build it.”

Sam Rayburn

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“Some people wave their dogmatic thinking until their own reason is entangled.”

Samuel Johnson

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“Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

Samuel Ullman

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“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”

Sarah Brown

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“But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it’s funny enough.”

Sarah Silverman

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“Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a (expletive) dream, too.”

Sarah Silverman

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“I always want to laugh at the sad stuff. You don’t need to laugh at the other stuff. I’m not numb to these things. I still go into really dark periods about Sept. 11. I think it’s kind of like bullies. Bullies are just scared and thin-skinned, so they have to become bullies as a kind of survival tactic. I think comics are that way, too.”

Sarah Silverman

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“I don’t set out to offend or shock, but I also don’t do anything to avoid it.”

Sarah Silverman

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“I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.”

Sarah Silverman

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“I say ‘I’m sorry.’ It usually disarms them.”

Sarah Silverman

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“I’ll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We’re not afraid of them.”

Sarah Silverman

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“I think that’s always how it’s been, … I certainly didn’t invent it. Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they’re the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they’re the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?”

Sarah Silverman

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“I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.”

Sarah Silverman

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“Jesus is Magic.”

Sarah Silverman

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“Oh, this sounds so obnoxious, … I’m not planning anything out. I’m just trying to be funny. I don’t think any of it’s particularly deep. It’s just what interests me.”

Sarah Silverman

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“People need to feel like they’re not being attacked, like they’re in a safe space where no punches are being pulled.”

Sarah Silverman

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“This is crazy Donald. When I see the prices at the mall, I just want to vomit.”

Sarah Silverman

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“They’ve got great parents; I’m just trying to be the fun uncle.”

Sarah Silverman

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“You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That’s what I tell Asian people all the time.”

Sarah Silverman

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“Don’t look back. Somebody might be gaining on you.”

Satchel Paige

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“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?”

Satchel Paige

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“‘I’m going to start a business as a professional insulter. For example, I would say to you, you’re so ugly you have to wear a disguise on garbage pickup day.’ ‘That was uncalled for.’ ‘Well, then no charge.’”

Scott Adams

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“Nature has a way of compensating for weaknesses, which is why stupid people have big mouths.”

Scott Adams

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“New York City: No matter how many times I visit this great place, I’m always struck by the same thing: a yellow cab.”

Scott Adams

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“That was a little bit like sandblasting a soup cracker.”

Scott Adams

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“I cut the bill for my 900 number phone calls in half! Now I just talk dirty to my Psychic Friend.”

Scott Carpenter

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“I think all these new 10-10-whatever companies will soon be out of business because anybody stupid enough to fall for those ads will surely get stuck trying to find the 10 button on a telephone.”

Scott E. Frank

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“I’ll bet Leif Garrett was pretty disappointed when he bought his first leaf blower.”

Scott E. Frank

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“Sometimes I wish I could turn off one headlight on my car and make people think I’m a motorcycle. Instead, I leave both headlights on and make ‘em think I’m *two* motorcycles.”

Scott Kaplan

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“As a kid, you see something that you know in your heart is true. It’s such a huge hypocrisy that it makes you think, ‘Well, if this is a truth that I know about that’s not officially accepted, at least in this country, then how many other truths are there that are under the surface that need to come out?’”

Serj Tankian

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“By allowing this vote, and allowing the will of Congress to be freely expressed, you will be doing the right thing morally and, at the same time, encouraging Turkey to deal honestly with its past and more openly with its future.”

Serj Tankian

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“Forgivness is The ultimate sacrifice. Eloquence belongs, To the conqueror.”

Serj Tankian

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“I could definitely use a little time at home. It’s been about two months on the road. The tour has gone really well, but I wouldn’t mind coming home to relax for a little while.”

Serj Tankian

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“I like the dynamics of life, I like it when it rains, and suddenly the sun comes out, and I like it when it’s really silent and then a loud booming noise comes through. Or vice-versa.”

Serj Tankian

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“I’ve had people come up to me with the strangest interpretations of what lyrics might mean, and I’m like, ‘You go! I never thought of that, but that works,’ … I think true art is a universal reflection, and true artists are just messengers of that reflection – or, at best, skilled presenters.”

Serj Tankian

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“It’s all in his hands, he’s the man.”

Serj Tankian

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“It was kind of luck or destiny that it ended up this way.”

Serj Tankian

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“It’s important for all people, and not just people in bands, to speak out on social justice issues. That means journalists or plumbers have just as much of a responsibility to do that as artists.”

Serj Tankian

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“Nations are like people. Once you understand the interactions between nations, it’s easy to understand why things are done, in terms of foreign policy, in a certain way. But nations are not like people in the sense that we are cumulatively represented by others – and their interpretations of what our interests are may not be the same as what they really are. And that’s what’s dangerous, even in a democracy.”

Serj Tankian

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“Praise the Lord! Pass the ammunition! God wants you to go to war!”

Serj Tankian

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“The packaging is designed so that when people buy the second record, they can attach it to the first, making it a double record…”

Serj Tankian

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“The percentage of Americans in the prison system, Prison system, has doubled since 1985.”

Serj Tankian

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“… those that have prescribed the solution through the good feeling of the music itself, like the Beatles and Bob Marley and Bob Dylan.”

Serj Tankian

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“We fought your wars with all our hearts – You’ve sent us back in body parts – You took our wills with the truth you stole – We offer prayers for your long lost soul.”

Serj Tankian

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“When men complain about a woman losing her sex drive, they don’t stop to think that maybe the woman in question just doesn’t like the car she’s driving.”

Shelli Tomlinson

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“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”

Sicilian proverb

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“There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.”

So Long, And Thanks For All the Fish by Douglas Adams

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“Know thyself.”

Socrates

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“The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t”

Some kid

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“Manana is often the busiest day of the week.”

Spanish proverb

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“On the negative side, I’ve been getting charged for a ton of stuff I didn’t order lately. On the positive side, I did win that Who’s Got the Best Password contest on AOL last week.”

Spike Donner

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“The story you’re about to hear is a fib, but it’s short. The names are made up but the problems are real.”

Square One, Mathnet

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“We worry about what a child will be tomorrow, but we forget that he is someone today.”

Stacia Tauscher

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“Each snowflake is an avalance pleads not guilty.”

Stanislaw J. Lee

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“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Stephen Wright

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“I’m not a dentist. I just play one in my toolshed.”

Steve Good

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“You’ve got a lot of choices.  If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.”

Steven D. Woodhull

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“He must be butter, ’cause he’s on a roll”

Stuart Scott, ESPN Sportscenter

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“You ain’t gotta go home, but you gotta get the heck up outta here.”

Stuart Scott, ESPN Sportscenter

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“When in Rome, let the Romans pay.”

Sue Lancaster

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“Money, money, money…. oh money money money”

Sushil Nanavati

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“Yeah, I’m a nerd… so what. You might be laughing at me now… but in six years you’ll be working for me.”

Sushil Nanavati

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“Happiness is a direction, not a place.”

Sydney J. Harris

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