Quotes – B

Quotes Collection B – (author’s first name initial)

 

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“Why not drink a whole bottle of battery acid, and THEN get swallowed by a python? Boy, the joke’s on him!”

Barbara Rush

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“Will you look at me, I’m crazy, but I get the job done. Yeah I’m crazy, but I get the job done.”

Ben Folds Five, “Philosophy”

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“I’ve got this great idea…why don’t we pitch it to the Franklin Mint? Fine pewter portraits of General Apathy, and Major Boredom singing ‘Whatever and ever amen’. Oh well, maybe not, I’ll try again.”

Ben Folds Five, Battle of Who Could Care Less

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“Will you never rest fighting the battle of who could care less? Everyday you wake up late. Sometimes I wish I was that way…”

Ben Folds Five, Battle of Who Could Care Less

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“I got my bag of trash! I got my bag of trash! And I don’t miss Julianne!”

Ben Folds Five, Julianne

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“I got my bag of trash! I got my bag of trash! I drag it up and down, I drag it up and down the road. How could she miss a man Who drags a bag of trash down the road?”

Ben Folds Five, Julianne

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“She never gets wet, she smiles and it’s a rainbow. And she speaks, and she breathes…I wanna be Kate!”

Ben Folds Five, Kate

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“Goodnight, goodnight sweet baby. The world has more for you than it seems. Goodnight, goodnight let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams.”

Ben Folds Five, Lullaby

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“But I don’t believe in love, so I can’t be saved. All alone as, I’ve learned to be in this mess, I have made the same mistakes over and over again.”

Ben Folds Five, Mess

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“Now I’m big and important, One angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces are you. If you really want to see me check your papers and your TV. Look who’s telling who what to do, Kiss my ass, goodbye.”

Ben Folds Five, One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces

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“The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this; decide what you want.”

Ben Stein

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“As a wise old man once said: Ouch! Then again, he had dropped something on his foot. What, you don’t think wise men can be clumsy?!?”

Benjamin Altman

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“How much easier it is to be critical than correct.”

Benjamin Disr’li

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“Books had an instant replay long before televised sports.”

Bern Williams

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“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”

Bern Williams

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“Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.”

Bernard Baruch

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“I don’t know the secret to success but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.”

Bill Cosby

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“Continental drift is no mere theory; it is fact. Forget about trying to fit Africa and South America together — just look at how Spain’s jagged western border fits Portugals’s jagged eastern border like a glove. Coincidence? Please.”

Bill Muse

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“If you’re ever playing 1-on-1 with Jesus and you start trash-talking, don’t say, ‘Who’s your daddy?’ because he’ll just smirk at you and then as you’re thinking ‘Oh… right,’ he’ll blow by you in a blur of sandals taking the rock strong to the hole.”

Bill Muse

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“Money talks – but credit has an echo.”

Bob Thaves

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“Sometimes I think that, had things gone just a little differently for Gallagher, *he* might have become the Unabomber, instead of a famous comedian. And the world would be a better place, my friend.”

Bob Van Voris

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“Whenever I meet someone who’s lost an eye, I like to ask if they at least enjoyed the fun and games part.”

Bob Van Voris

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“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”

Booker T. Washington

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“You can’t hold a man down without staying down yourself.”

Booker T. Washington

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“Dejected, he hangs up the phone. Air Holes. Remember the air holes, the online pet store owner mutters while slapping his forehead.”

Brad Osberg

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“If they’d fill the air bags in cars with helium, injured people could entertain themselves by making funny voices until the paramedics arrive.”

Brad Osberg

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“It’s been said that if you put a million monkeys in a room with a million typewriters, the group would eventually produce the entire works of Shakespeare. I say, Who cares? You got a million typin’ monkeys in one room! How cool is that?!?!”

Brad Osberg

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“Sometimes it’s more important to be human, than to have good taste.”

Brecht

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“I wish I had a nickel for every time I took a shower. It would be nice to have some small incentive.”

Brian Auten

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“When you go into the lion’s den, you don’t tippy-toe in. You carry a spear. You go in screaming like a banshee and say, ‘Where’s the son of a bitch?’ If you go in any other way, you are going to lose.”

Brian Billick, Ravens head coach

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“We have to reinvent the wheel every once in a while, not because we need a lot of wheels; but because we need a lot of inventors.”

Bruce Joyce

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“Duck Season!”

Bugs Bunny

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